The Struggle To Fix Bella
by xtwilight18x
Summary: Here's the sequel to 'You What' You need to read that first to get this fully. If you read please review! Bella get's help for her cutting, but if she refuses it can anyone save her from herself... If she continues to lie, can she ever get better? Done!
1. Chapter 1

Author Note:

For those of you who haven't read 'You What?!' you should read that first since this is the sequel. Other than that, there's really nothing else to say besides enjoy and please leave reviews so I know which direction I should go with this or if I should just stop it...

-Ashley

I want to thank **in love with vampires** for the great ideas that I was given, it made this chapter very possible.

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_'I don't love you. I never have, and never will. You're a pathetic human and I'm a vampire. We could never be. Don't you know that? Don't you know that this has all just been a big lie? I used you, that's all. It was a game, and you feel for it. You actually thought I loved you? A mere human?' he laughed evilly in my face before turning, about to leave._

_'No. No that can't be true.' I grab a hold of his arm and spun him around to face me. 'You must love me. You've told me before. You-'_

_'Lied. That's what I did Bella. That's all I ever did.' He easily pulled free of me, but I wasn't about to let him go._

_'No, please, please don't go. Please don't leave me. I couldn't bear it. I love you so much Edward.'_

_'I used you. I should just drain you dry, but that will cause too much suspicion so I'll just leave you here. Goodbye Bella, I won't miss you.'_

_'No!' I lunged at him, but he was gone. His laughter still in my mind, burning through me... 'Edward, no... NO!'_

"No! Edward!" I lurched upward in bed, immediately feeling two cold arms wound there way around me, trying to calm me. I whimpered and turned into his embrace and cried into his shoulder. Holding him as tightly as I could. I didn't want to let him go. I didn't want him to leave.

"Don't leave me." I whispered. He froze and pulled me away from him so he could see my face.

"Never, my love. Never will I leave you again." He looked so sincere, that I didn't doubt him at all.

"I'm so sorry Edward. I'm so sorry." The tears started again, but I didn't even try to stop them, and neither did Edward.

He was just whispering reassurances, telling me that we'd get through his together. That there was nothing to worry about. Telling me he loved me and it would all be o.k.

"Come on Bella, your counseling starts today and you don't want to be late." He began to get up, but I didn't want to go.

"Edward, nothings wrong with me. I haven't needed any release in a while. I'm fine. I promise." I smiled up at him, but it instantly left my face as I saw the anger and hurt on Edward's face.

"Bella now is not the time. You do need help. You promised me."

"But Edward, think about it. Why would we want to get someone else involved, just to have it spread throughout all of Forks? I can handle it by myself, without the harm. I promise." I really didn't want to go and talk to some stranger, just to have them talk about me later on behind my back. I could deal with this. One way or another…

"Bella, please just come willingly. I don't want to have to hurt you." he was already handing me my clothes to change into. Thankfully he remembered I like long sleeves, no matter the temperature outside.

"Edward!" I tried pleading, putting on my best puppy dog eyes.

"Bella I promise this won't be as bad as you think. Now please get dressed."

"I don't want to go!" I curled into a ball on my side and pulled the covers over my head. I heard Edward sigh and flip open his cell phone. I smiled, knowing I had won.

"Tell him we'll be a little late." Suddenly the covers were stripped from me, and instead of seeing Edward, I saw something much more frightening. Alice.

I screamed in terror and tried to run, but unfortunately Edward stopped me.

"No No!!!!" I started fighting against Edward, who just chuckled thinking this was just a joke, and held my hands away from his hard chest I had started beating on. "Edward don't do this to me! Please! I swear I won't cut anymore! I swear!" tears were streaming down my face, as I looked up towards Edward. He looked pained, and torn. Now he knew I wasn't kidding. I was truely frightened.

"Bella, please please just corporate." He looked so sad, and I felt terrible, but I didn't want to go. "Please." He whispered.

I sniffed and grabbed my clothes, heading to my bathroom. They let me go alone only because they had confiscated all my blades and I now use a bladeless razor.

I took my time getting ready, until Alice started banging and telling me to hurry up.

I sighed and, still tearing, walked back into my room. I didn't even glance at Edward or Alice as I went to the door and downstairs to the Volvo. I sat in the back, pulling my knees up to my chest and silently crying as Edward and Alice piled in. Edward looked hurt that I had chosen to sit in the back, but neither he nor Alice said anything. He just started driving.

I hadn't known where we were going in the first place, but as I paid more attention to my surroundings, I noticed we were heading to the Cullen Mansion. I sighed. Great they got me my own personal therapist. 'Now there's no escaping.' Edward turned when I sighed, but I didn't make eye contact. Now it was his turn to sigh and turn onto the driveway.

He parked the car, but I didn't move, even as they got out and Edward came around to open my door. Alice went inside, so it was just me and him. I pulled my knees up tighter to my chest when he tried to help me out.

"Bella, please, don't be so stubborn." I just turned my head and ignored him. "Bella, I'm only doing this because I love you, please love, come out of the car." I whimpered and scooted farther away from him.

"I want Esme." I whispered. I couldn't bear to see the hurt in his eyes, so I didn't look, but I could hear the pain is his voice as he called her for me. She arrived in a matter of seconds and came around to the opposite side of the car than Edward.

"Come on honey, it'll be fine, you'll see." She opened the car door and opened her arms in a motherly gesture. I cried as I held on to her. I needed her now. She calmed me down some and helped me into the house. I didn't have the heart to turn around and watch as Edward followed us inside. I knew I'd see his pain through his eyes. I cried at the thought of causing him more pain.

Esme sat me down on the couch and told me that she was going to check and see if my 'counselor' was ready for me. I just nodded and again pulled my knees up to my chest to wait. Edward stood by the stairs, and I could feel him staring at me, but I refused to turn around.

"Bella…" he began. I just shook my head and buried my face in my knees. I was breathing deeply to try and control myself. Maybe if this guy didn't find anything wrong with me, then he wouldn't need to see me again. Maybe I could get away with lying.

"Bella?" it was Esme. I looked up to her as she approached. "Come on honey, he's ready for you." she held out her hand which I gladly took. She led me up the stairs, and I could hear Edward following closely behind. She led me down a familiar hallway. It was where all the rooms were. Emmett's and Rose's, Edward's, Alice's, and Jasper's. We stopped in front of the last door, Jasper's door. I was confused. Why would the counselor be in Jasper's room? Esme nodded for me to continue so I did. I took a deep breath and opened the door.

"Hello Bella."

"J-Jasper?"

So What'd You think? Read and Review!

-Ash


	2. Chapter 2

BPOV

"J-Jasper...W-what are you doing here?" I stood dumbstruck in the doorway as Edward took Esme's place behind me.

"Well, this is my room, and I am now your counselor." He smiled kindly at me, but I just continued to stand there.

"Um, yeah… about that… I appreciate this, but I'm perfectly fine, so I'll just be leaving…" I turned, but Edward just shook his head.

"Come on Bella." encouraged Jasper. "It won't be as bad as you think." I could feel him trying to calm me down, and I hated it.

"Jasper! Don't use your powers on me!" I didn't mean to get angry, it just happened. I could tell they were both extremely freaked by my sudden outburst, but I didn't care. I didn't want to be calmed down.

"Alright, how bout we just talk then? Take a seat." he suggested, pointing to a comfy looking couch. I started walking towards it but instead bypassed it and stood in front of the window. I crossed my arms over my chest, pursed my lips, and stood there, staring at the outside world.

"So Bella, how've you been?" Jasper leaned against his desk while Edward paced in front of the door, irritated.

"Fine." I said stubbornly.

"Uh huh…" I caught a quick glance between him and Edward, but didn't comment on it. It was probably nothing.

"And…how are you doing with your 'withdrawal'?" he asked, emphasizing withdrawal.

"Just peachy." I said sarcastically. I hadn't been as bad as I thought I would be which is probably because I hadn't completely stopped yet. I just couldn't because I didn't want to. When Edward went hunting, yeah I always had someone with me, but it wasn't him, so I do it. But only when he's gone do I need to actually feel again. Plus I'm doing better. I never use blades anymore, so I never draw blood. Just the scars I've come to adore.

"Bella?"

"Huh? What?" I finally turned towards them. I must've zoned out.

"Did you hear me?" Jasper asked.

"No, I didn't." I left it at that and turned back towards the window, just catching the glance Jasper and Edward took. That's it.

"Quit it! Whatever needs to be said can be said in front of me!" they looked startled that I had noticed, and because I interrupted whatever they were talking about.

"Bella, we were just…"

"Just nothing Edward. I'm not stupid. I saw what was going on." I rolled my eyes and held my head in my hands. I slowly sank to the floor and buried my head in my knees.

"Come on Bella, talk to me. That's what I'm here for." Jasper came forward a little bit, but I stopped him when I looked up.

"Thanks Jasper, but not to be rude or anything, I really don't need anyone's help. I'm dealing with it o.k.? I don't need nor want to talk to anyone about this." I just got up and left his room after that. I knew Jasper and Edward would want to talk about me, and I wanted to go to the bathroom. This was worse than when Edward was gone.

I went to the closest bathroom on the second floor and locked the door behind me. I turned on the sink water to drown out the nose and I pulled up my sleeve a little way before starting to snap my rubber band on my wrist. I just sat on the floor and started up my own rhythm, tapping my head to the beat.

EPOV

Once Bella left the room, I turned towards Jasper.

"Jasper how was she? How is she?" I asked worriedly.

"I'm actually surprised she said all that with a straight face actually. She was lying the whole time." He confessed.

I sighed and pinched the bridge of my nose. "Can't you help her at all?"

"Sorry Edward, but she's got to want to talk. I can't make her."

"But it's killing her!" I started pacing again while listening to the water in the bathroom slowly running. Wait, why is it still running?

"Edward, calm down. She's actually feeling much better right now. She's probably just stressed. I wouldn't worry so much. She's stopped hasn't she?" I nodded, half listening to what he was saying. The water hadn't stopped.

"Then don't worry bout it. She'll pull through. I guess you should bring her back here tomorrow and I'll try to talk to her again, but for now just take her home. Let her get some rest or something. Have fun with her."

"Yeah, uh huh." I absently nodded and walked towards the bathroom. The water was till running and bell was breathing weird.

"Bella? Sweetheart are you o.k.?" I knocked gently. She started breathing faster and trying to do something really quickly. "Bella?"

"Yeah hang on Edward." She stopped the water and opened the door, stepping out into the hall.

"Are you o.k.?" she looked a little flushed.

"Hhmm? Oh yeah I'm fine." She was lying. I could tell.

"Don't lie to me Bella." Her eyes suddenly grew wide, but then it slowly faded to determination.

"I'm not lying Edward. I am perfectly fine and just want to go home now." She demanded through clenched teeth.

_We'll try again tomorrow Edward._

"Alright Bella, I'll take you home now." I said carefully to avoid upsetting her farther. She smiled and ran down the stairs to my car. That was the first smile I've seen since we got here.

She was still buckling when I got in, and then we were driving back to Charlie's house.

"That went well." I decided to break the tension that had developed between us.

"Yep, and now I don't have to go back again." she was clapping her small hands and was smiling greatly.

I sighed. "Bella, you do have to go back. You're going back to talk to Jasper again tomorrow. He can help you Bella, and he knew you were lying." The smile vanished from her face. "Why didn't you tell the truth? You know you can't lie to Jasper, love."

She had tears welling in her eyes again.

"Bella... are you alright?"

"I don't want to go back to talk to him. Edward please! Please don't make me go. I'm doing fine. I've stopped. There's nothing else wrong with me. Why don't you believe me?" the tears were streaming down her face again.

"Love, I do believe you, but you were lying to Jasper today. You wouldn't have lied without reason to. Please just let us help you. I just want you to get better. You have a problem and I want to get you through this. I want to help. I love you."

She looked out the window and started playing with her wrist. What was she doing? It looked like she was…snapping something?

"Bella what are you doing to your wrist?" I had slowed down when we got to her street, and slowed down even more as I noticed what was going on. _Oh please no._

"What?" she looked down and noticed what I had seen. "Nothing, I was just bored." She gave me a small smile and looked back to the road.

One lie leads to another, and then another. Oh my Bella, you need help.

We turned into her driveway and she got out faster than I could get to her.

"God I'm starving! Guess I should've eaten breakfast huh?" she laughed, and it wasn't fake this time. She grabbed my hand and led me inside and to the kitchen. I conspicuously moved my hand to her wrist, and it felt a lot warmer than her actual hand.

"Bella…"

"So, what will it be Edward, lunch or dinner?" she started rummaging in her fridge waiting for my answer.

"Bella…" I tried again.

"What should I make?" she turned to face me now, holding chicken in one hand and ham in another.

"Bella?" she finally noticed.

"Yea?" she asked, quirking an eyebrow. I took a deep breath.

"Let me see your wrist." She dropped the ham and chicken at once.

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What'd you think? 2 chapters in one day? Gotta love it!

Review!!

Ash


	3. Chapter 3

This chapter has now been edited and is better in my opinion.

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BPOV

"What?" I swear I must've heard him wrong.

"I said, let me see your wrist, love." He moved forwards a little way, but still kept a good distance between us.

"Wh-why?" I stammered, backing up a little ways from him, until I hit the counter.

"Just show me Isabella." He said this gently but with authority, leaving no room for arguments.

"Fine." I narrowed my eyes at him and pulled up my right sleeve. He looked away once he saw the scars, but quickly looked back after he took a deep reassuring breath.

"I-I meant the other wrist Bella…" he looked down to my left wrist. I could see the pain evident in his eyes, but I didn't say anything.

"I'm going to take a shower Edward, I've lost my appetite." I looked to the ground and quickly made my way up the stairs to my room. I heard Edward take a deep breath and start pacing around downstairs, muttering to himself.

"Oh my Bella, sweet, sweet Bella…" I heard him whisper to the empty room.

I walked slowly into the bathroom as the tears threatened to fall. I've already cried to much today. I went to the shower first and turned on the hot water only. As I let it warm up, I took off the sweater I had been wearing and that left me in only my camisole and jeans. I looked away from the mirror, disgusted with what I saw, and turned on my radio, putting on my CD. I waited for it to start up and then pressed play and repeat, turning the volume up as far as my ears would allow me to.

_I think we have an emergency  
I think we have an emergency _

If you thought I'd leave, then you were wrong  
Cause I won't stop holding on

So are you listening?  
So are you watching me? 

I stepped into the shower and gasped at the heat coming from the showerhead. It burned, but in a glorious way. I shuddered once and quickly grew used to it, taking deep soothing breaths. I loved the heat on my skin. I moaned very quitely in pleasure and continued listening to the song.

So you give up every chance you get  
Just to feel new again

I think we have an emergency  
I think we have an emergency

And you do your best to show me love,  
but you don't know what love is.

So are you listening?  
So are you watching me?

Well I can't pretend that I don't see this

It's really not your fault  
That no one cares to talk about it,  
Talk about it

Cause I've seen love die  
Way too many times  
When it deserved to be alive  
(When it deserved to be alive)  
I've seen you cry  
Way too many times  
When you deserve to be alive, alive

These scars, they will not fade away.

No one cares to talk about it, talk about it

Cause I've seen love die  
Way too many times  
When it deserved to be alive  
(When it deserved to be alive)  
I've seen you cry  
Way too many times  
When you deserve to be alive, alive 

I could've sworn there were actual tears streaming down my face as I got out. I looked at myself in the mirror, shuddered and turned away involuntary. I looked hideous! I sank to the ground, and silently cried, wrapped in only my towel. I heard Edward cautiously walk up the stairs. Apparently I wasn't silent enough.

"Bella?" his voice was barely above a whisper…my reply was a whimper as I stood. "Bella, love, are you o.k.?" he tapped lightly on the door. I stood up to my full height and turned towards the mirror. "Bella??" he sounded a little more urgent, but I still kept silent. "Answer me Bella!" he started knocking louder. I'm surprised he hadn't knocked down the door by now.

I closed the distance to the mirror, and with a deep breath, ignoring Edward's cry, I smashed my fist into the mirror. As my fist collided with the glass, Edward burst open the door, and just stared in horror, stopping his breathing.

The glass had mostly shattered except for the few pieces that ended up staying intact. I left my hand in the position it was in, curled into a fist, and just stared at the blood oozing from the multiple cuts on my knuckles as I slowly sank to the floor, feeling nauseas already.

Edward quickly went to go get band aids and gauze before I passed out on him. He knew my tolerance for blood was very little. I took deep breaths, but even though I was sick to my stomach, I was smiling.

"Bella, what were you thinking?! You could've been hurt very badly. A piece of glass could've sliced through you!! Bella, why do you keep doing these things to yourself?" he had finished wrapping my hand up, gotten me into one of my big shirts, and now he wouldn't let me break his gaze. I sighed and decided to tell him the truth… I owed him that much….

"I don't like what I see in the mirror. So one of us had to go and if I took my own life I'd never get to see you again." Since I couldn't break his gaze, unfortunately I told him everything I thought. After a moment or two, I dropped my gaze awaiting the tears I knew would come, but surprisingly none fell.

He was silent for a while before he picked me up and rushed me out of my house. He hadn't warned me, so I didn't have time to close my eyes. I groaned in sickness, but he didn't stop. That was surprising all in itself. I tried taking deep breaths, but I couldn't catch my breath. He was running way faster than normal.

I was till trying to breathe as Edward took me into his house and straight to Carlisle's office where Carlisle was waiting, along with Jasper…

'Oh no.' I thought as I tried to squirm out of Edward's strong embrace. He just tightened his arms, not enough to hurt but enough for me not to move.

"Edward…" I tried to talk to him, but he gave me the most heated glare I've ever gotten, that I shut my mouth and closed my eyes. I wanted to cry! I turned my face away from him and stared out the window as best as I could.

Edward sighed when he felt the tears fall onto his arm. "Bella, please don't cry, I'm sorry." I just shook my head and tried to get down, which he let me this time. He sighed again but faced Carlisle this time.

"Bella had a bit of an accident. Could you check her hand please?" Edward said indicating my bandaged hand.

"Of course." Carlisle moved closer to me so I held up my hand, but kept staring out the window. Seems like I've been doing that a lot lately. I sighed as he unwrapped it; and crossed my free hand across my chest.

"Hhmm… it's not that bad. It should be fine since there isn't anything lodged in there. May I ask how this happened?" he looked between me and Edward, but I continued my staring.

"Bella destroyed a mirror in her bathroom moments ago." Edward explained. I could feel all three pairs of eyes on me at once. I turned with a smirk on my face.

"What? It felt good." I teased. Oops, maybe I took that too far. "I'm just kidding jeesh!." I turned back to the window and walked closer to the ledge. I heard them mumbling and I knew it was about me again. I grew angrier and angrier as the kept up their little ranting. I looked down at my arm and noticed I had been snapping my rubber band. My wrist had gotten red and it stung a bit. How had I not noticed what I was doing? Was I to much accustomed to the pain of it I can do it inconspicuously?

"Bella, what are you doing?" Edward asked. He was staring at my wrist, and so was Carlisle. They noticed. The only one not staring was Jasper who was looking directly at me, and that was nerve-wrecking.

"I-well…I mean… It's just…" I stopped talking. I knew I had a confused look on my face. Why couldn't I lie…then it hit me. "Jasper, what are you doing to me?!" I screamed and stared directly at him.

"I," he began, "am just trying to help you by getting the truth out." He explained this to me as if I were a child. Like I didn't know any better.

"How dare you!" I shrieked, much more high pitched than normal. I snapped my rubber band one last time, causing me to inhale deeply from the pain it caused, and stormed to the door, only to have my waist captured by none other than Edward. I started thrashing around in his arms, trying to escape, but he wouldn't let up. I was getting so angry that the tears were cascading down my cheeks like waterfalls.

"Bella, please sweetheart, calm down." Edward soothed me. I slowed down my frantic attempts at freedom, but not because of Edward, but because Jasper was calming me.

"Jasper!!!" I wailed. Why does he keep messing all this up? I was starting to get light headed. Edward started to sing my lullaby as Jasper calmed me down and together it all lulled me to sleep against my will.

"Ed…war…d d-don't." I slurred, trying to get them to stop, but neither did.

"Ssshhh, sleep Bella, just calm down." Edward placed a cool kiss on my forehead, and then it was lights out for me…

**Author's Note:**

**What'd you think? This was a bit longer than the other's but I'm not sure how good it actually was… Let me know what you think guys!! Credit to Paramore for their song Emergency. **

**Ash**


	4. Chapter 4

Here's chapter 4 of my story. It's not as long as the last chapter word wise, but i think it's pretty good. I'll update The Turning when I get a chance (maybe tomorrow) since it is Spring Break. Which one would you like me to update first though? I'm goiing to try to get a poll up to take a vote. If there isn't one up then just send me which you'd like me to update first in a review. If my poll is up though I'm not going to update any story until I at least have 15-20 votes. I want this to be worth it. Sorry.Let me know if this Chapter was worth the wait or if it sucked...

Ashley

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**BPOV**

I woke up in a pair of shorts and a black camisole. All my shame was displayed to see. I quickly covered myself with the comforter, pulling it up to my neck. Who changed me? But more importantly why? I quickly looked around to see if anyone was in here. Empty. No one was around, yet. This confused me greatly. Edward was usually always there when I woke up, especially lately.

I got up as quietly and quickly as I could and ran to the closet. I opened it and only then did I realize I was in Edward's room. So I was still at the Cullen's, but why? What about Charlie!? I scrambled for any of my clothes, but there were none. I settled for one of Edward's long sleeved shirts. I could deal with the shorts. I buttoned it and put on some socks to go down to the kitchen. I didn't realize till now that I was starving. What time had Jasper actually put me to sleep? I couldn't remember so I just let it go.

I opened the door and then went downstairs. I still hadn't found a single vampire. It was their house for Pete's Sake! I was walking down the stairs to the kitchen and just as I was about to call out and see if anyone was around, me being me, slipped and went tumbling to the ground. My eyes instantly closed as I waited the painful fall, but instead of the ground I was wrapped in a cold embrace.

"Edward?" I turned around and found not Edward, but Jasper. He smiled cautiously at me and placed me back on the floor away from the stairs. "Not that I'm ungrateful or anything, but how come Edward didn't catch me?" I didn't glare, or say this in a snotty tone, I was just confused, and he could tell.

"There's isn't anyone here but me and you Bella. The rest of the family left to give us some privacy to…talk." He stared at me, as if I would break down or something. Given what happened, I wasn't surprised by his reaction. I'd be worried I'd break down if I were him.

"Are you sure that you're up to it Jasper? Not that I doubt you or anything." I quickly added so he wouldn't get upset or think I didn't have any faith in him. He just laughed.

"I'll be fine Bella. I hunted last night while you slept and then Edward had Alice check the future repeatedly to make sure nothing would happen. Edward took ever precaution to make sure you'd be safe. He was even reluctant to leave but Esme let him know this would be the best thing for you right now."

I didn't know what to feel right now though. Confused as I was about how I should feel, it seemed Jasper knew exactly which emotion dominated them all.

"Your scared." It wasn't a question, but I answered it anyway. There's no lying to Jasper, its like betting against Alice.

"Yes I am, but not of you." I looked at him as I answered. I didn't really want to admit that I was afraid Edward wasn't gonna come back, so I didn't mention it. Besides, he promised he'd never leave again… I could trust him, couldn't I? I was getting all worked up about nothing, I concluded. Jasper had a calculating expression and I thought now would be as good as any a time to go and get some breakfast. I wasn't hungry much anymore, the worrying had filled me up with anxiety, and because Edward wasn't here. Already I felt completely detached from him. I was missing him way to much right now. I grabbed a granola bar and pulled back the wrapper. I started nibbling on it but couldn't eat more than two bites. I sighed and threw it away, getting a cup of orange juice from the fridge.

"You know, you should eat something more filling Bella." Jasper cautioned me, not in a controlling way but a caring way.

"I'm not hungry. Can we just watch some TV or something?" I just wanted to curl up and sleep till Edward got back, if he came back. I shivered and wrapped my arms around myself as I walked into the living room. No doubt he noticed my shiver, but he didn't comment on it.

"Sure Bells," I could feel his presence trail behind me.

We walked into the living room and sat on the couch. I immediately brought my legs up to my chest and buried my face in my knees. Some wresting show was on. Probably from before Emmett left. I smiled at my big bear of a brother.

"Why do you sit like that?" I looked up to see Jasper staring at me curiously. He had a blanket in his hand and laid it over my back. It smelt of Edward, no doubt from his room. I snuggled into it inhaling deeply. It settled some of my nerves about him leaving, but I was still pretty wound up. I blinked as I felt tears brimming on my eyelids.

"Habit. It's a safety blanket for me I guess. Makes me feel whole again, like I'm not falling apart at the seams." I felt no need to lie this time. The way I sit isn't such a big deal anyway. Besides, I like talking to Jasper when he's not trying to analyze me.

"Do you miss Edward a lot?" He wasn't prying. He was just honestly curious.

I blinked back some more tears and looked up from the ground. "More than you know."

**EPOV**

I didn't want to leave my Bella, but my family told me it would be prudent so she could talk to Jasper alone. Maybe she would open up to him without me around. Lately, she was always lying when I was around, like she didn't want to hurt me or something. Maybe she thought I would judge her. It was so frustrating not being able to read her mind. I've been pacing all day waiting for the moment Bella fell asleep so I could go back home to my angel, to try and help her get through this. Help her to stop harming herself. Finally my cell phone rang. Jasper.

"Hello?" I was already walking in the direction of the house.

"She's asleep, b-." I hung up and started running as fast as I could back to the house. It didn't matter what he had to say, I just wanted my angel back in my arms.

**Jasper Point Of View**

After we watched TV a bit, Bella and I just started talking.

"Why'd you do it?" I asked.

"Pardon?" She looked up at me, confusion radiating from her.

"Why did you start cutting in the first place?" I explained more clearly, waiting for the anger to come forth.

She closed her eyes and tried to stay in control. I knew this was probably the last question she would ever want to answer, but maybe I'll be able to get her to talk to me. "Edward left Jasper. What was I supposed to do? I nearly took my own life! I was hollow and alone. I couldn't even feel anything, especially when I cut. I felt nothing." A few stray tears fall down her cheeks. I gently wiped them away and smiled at her. Trying to understand and show that I wasn't judging her.

"If you only did that because Edward left, why haven't you stopped?" I was winging it now, trying to see if she had actually stopped, or if she was lying about that also. I was sending a little confession towards her to boost her into telling the truth. Either she didn't notice, or she wasn't paying that much attention. She just kept silent. "It's just that, he's been back for a while now, but you have new scratches and you continue to try to cause yourself harm. Why is that?" I knew of the scratches because of Edward. Whilst she slept he had examined her before he left with the family. He discovered three new scratches, light but there, and asked me to talk to her about it, and the snapping on her wrist wasn't much of a secret either anymore. Everyone's noticed it at some point or another.

"I don't know." She mumbled, twirling the bandages on her hand. That's another objective I need to try to get to the bottom of. Why she had in-fact broken her bathroom mirror. We had to get Emmett over there while she slept to fix it before Charlie noticed. She said it was because it felt good. But I'm sure there's more behind the story than that.

"Come on Bella. It's just you and me. You can talk to me about it." Right now I wasn't Jasper, the counselor Edward wanted to help his sweet Bella; I was Jasper, her friend, someone who wanted to help her get better, because even if she isn't a member of my family yet, it's like she is. She's going to be, and I don't want anything to hurt her, not even herself…


	5. Chapter 5

Hey, sorry the update took so long, hope it's up to your standards though! It took me forever to write /

Thanks for all my dedicated reviewers and Stephenie Meyer for writing Twilight!

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**Jasper's Point of View**

"I really don't know Jasper. It's an outlet for my pain. How else am I supposed to deal with it?" It was meant to be a rhetorical question, but I answered it anyway.

"How about talking to someone? Edward's always around except when he goes hunting. You could talk to him or Alice, Esme, Carlisle, Emmett or me. I'm sure even if you asked Rose she'd help a little. None of us want to see you hurt or in pain."

She smiled, but it turned into a grimace as she thought about it. "I highly doubt that. No offense Jasper, but I really just don't want to talk about it. Edward's back now so everything's fine…even if I'm not." She whispered, hoping I wouldn't hear that last part. Hello! Super hearing is an advantage.

"Bella, what do you mean by that?"

She looked up at me confused, until it dawned on her that I had in-fact heard what she said. "Nothing, it's nothing." She started snapping her rubber band again, she does it when she's nervous or highly agitated, and stood up; grabbing the blanket I had gotten her earlier. "I'll be back in a few. I'm going to take a shower in Edward's room." She slowly walked up the stairs and into Edward's room.

So she hadn't actually stopped cutting. She never denied it when she was asked. She started cutting because Edward left, which we already knew. And I have no idea why she broke the mirror except for the fact that she thought it 'felt good.' I doubt she was kidding when she said that. The first thing said is usually the truth, no matter what's said after. Humans are so predictable.

I didn't know how I was gonna get her to continue talking to me, unless she wanted to, without her getting extremely aggravated or violent. I didn't want to have to explain to Edward how his girlfriend ended up with a broken hand. What an interesting conversation that would be. 'Sorry Edward, you girlfriend broke her hand whilst trying to hurt me for making her talk about why she attacked her mirror, and she wouldn't stop so she ended up breaking her arm entirely.' Oh yeah that would be pleasant. Even I didn't have enough power to calm her down without Edward's lullaby.

I slowly focused my attention on the shower in Edward's room. Bella had music on and was already in. I could here her sobbing quietly…

**Bella's Point of View**

I went into Edward's room and slowly went over to his CD collection. I tried to find one I might have recognized, but there wasn't one. I sighed and went over to his stereo. I pushed the open button and waited for it to pop out. Inside was a blank CD I knew to well. His music compositions. I smiled in victory and went to the bathroom. There was a portable boom box already in there, thanks to Alice no doubt, so I just put the CD in and put it up loud enough to be heard over the water. A song I recognized instantly as Esme's song came on and I relaxed in the tenderness of it. It was just like her, kind, caring and sweet.

I turned on the shower with hot water only. I was shivering and I didn't know why. 'A hot shower will warm me up.' I thought dismissively. I undressed quickly and stepped in cautiously. I hissed in pain as the heat poured over my skin. I thought I was getting used to it as it warmed me up a bit. I breathed in and out slowly as the music filtered around me. I was washing my hair when it happened. I don't know how or why it happened, but it did. I wasn't in control of my thoughts, or actions.

_'Jasper knows. He knows I haven't stopped. I forgot to lie about it!' _I vaguely recalled my conversation with Jasper before my shower.

"_If you only did that because Edward left, why haven't you stopped? It's just that, he's been back for a while now, but you have new scratches and you continue to try to cause yourself harm. Why is that?"_

My answer was 'I don't know'. How could I have been so stupid! I should have been paying more attention to the conversation, but I wasn't. I was thinking about Edward, and when he was coming back.

I started breathing heavily as I thought this through. He was going to tell Edward. Edward was going to know I had lied, repeatedly. He was going to know that I hadn't stopped. He was going to know it all. He won't ever trust me again! My fears turned into sobs as I continued to try and catch my breath. It was getting harder. The heat and fear was suffocating me. I clutched my chest, nails digging in so deep it was sure to scar, and slowly knelt in the tub. I was gasping for breath that wasn't there. I turned off the water and tried to slow my breathing. It wasn't working, there was too much heat. I couldn't calm down. I didn't know what was wrong with me. I tried to call out for help but couldn't form Jasper's name. I was wheezing. I held my head in my hands, water slowly dripping around me. I started clawing at my neck, wincing as my nails dug in. I was trying to get air in there, anyway I possibly could. I could feel a small amount of blood coming from my throat. I saw it steadily dripping into the tub. I was getting nauseous and lightheaded, whether from the blood or lack of air, I couldn't be sure, nor did I care. I slowly stood up, but swayed from the dizziness. I grabbed my towel and wrapped it around my body. I stepped from the shower, only to collapse on the floor. I instantly heard a knock on the door.

"Bella, are you alright?" either he didn't smell the blood, or there was no more. My response was a struggle to get air into my lungs. I'm surprised I hadn't passed out yet. "Bells, I'm coming in." he didn't wait for a response. He saw me on the ground, no doubt listening to my heart rate continuously increase trying to get air. "Oh god, Bella." He whispered. He knelt down before me and put a cold hand to my forehead. I still couldn't breath. It was getting harder to stay awake. "No Bella, don't give up." He picked me up and took me to Edward's bed. Once out of the heat of the bathroom I could breathe easier. I took in large gulps of air as I slowly relaxed on my boyfriend's bed. Jasper disappeared only to return a few seconds later with a little package and something in a little container. My breathing was almost normal by now. He looked me right in the eye, sending waves of calm to wash over me. I inhaled deeply, filling myself with Edward's scent before slowly exhaling.

"Bella, are you alright?" Jasper was staring intently at my face, wondering if I was going to pass out, no doubt. I inhaled once more and exhaled slowly, feeling completely better.

"Yeah, I'm fine. Thanks." It was a weak reassurance but I smiled at him, which he returned in kind. I was automatically aware that I was soaking wet, on Edward's bed in nothing but a towel. I blushed crimson as I looked back up to Jasper. He seemed to notice my discomfort and stood.

"I'll let you get dressed. Do you have any clothes here? I noticed you were wearing Edward's shirt earlier…" he trailed off waiting for my response.

"No, I couldn't find any this morning." I whispered self-consciously.

"Alright, do you want something of Alice's or are you just going to wear what you find in Edward's closet?" he inquired.

"Oh, um I'll just grab something of Edward's." I murmured.

"O.K, get dressed and call me when you're done." he turned to leave, and I blurted it out before I could think it through.

"Why?"

"I need to fix up your neck. Its big time scratched." He smiled warmly at me and left, closing the door behind him. I slowly got up, feeling slightly dizzy but not immensely, and went over to explore Edward's closet. I didn't feel comfortable going through his stuff, but what choice did I have besides borrowing something of Alice's? I found a pair of black boxers and put them on, following it with a huge dark blue shirt. All together it was a decent, comfortable outfit.

I walked back over to the bed and snuggled under the covers, feeling extremely exhausted. "Jasper." I mumbled, knowing he could hear me. I could barely keep my eyes opened. He silently came over and sat on the edge of the bed. He put a little bit of the stuff in the bottle on his fingertips, gently rubbing it over the cuts. I hissed in pain.

"It burns!" I sat up instantly, no longer tired for the moment. I squirmed away from him and backed myself towards the headboard. I pulled my knees up and buried my head, making sure to keep Jasper in my sight but hide my neck. He sighed and I felt him radiating waves of trust and calm. I relaxed and leaned my head back. I could feel the sleepiness throughout my entire body. Jasper moved closer and added more of the disinfectant cream to my cuts. I still whimpered, but I didn't move, I couldn't.

"Sshh, calm down, it'll go away soon." Jasper continued to add the ointment to my many cuts on my neck as I hissed in pain every now and then. I took deep breaths. After my shower incident it was like I couldn't get enough air. He finished with the cream and wiped his hands on a washcloth he brought in. He grabbed the other package and took something out of it, gauze. He opened the packet and took the pieces out. He looked over to Edward's dresser. I blinked and he had the tape in his hands. He placed a single sheet of gauze over a section of the cuts, right below my left ear. He taped it up and continued around the front of my entire neck.

Jasper finished taping up the last gauze pad and smiled down at me. I think I smiled back. I wasn't to sure. I could barely lift my eyelids. He chuckled slightly and then awkwardly patted my head.

"Why don't you get some sleep Bells, we'll figure out what happened when Edward gets home."

I didn't need to be told twice. "Kay." I mumbled. Already I was almost asleep. He again laughed quietly and shut the light. He closed the door behind him as thoughts of Edward filled my mind…

**Jasper Point of View**

I was contemplating Bella's situation when I wondered to Alice and my bedroom. It didn't make sense. None of it did. Why she had acted the way she did in the shower, the cuts on her neck. I wasn't sure if it would be considered a panic attack or what. She was hyperventilating that's for sure, but was that all. What caused her to act like that, did she think of something. Now I knew how Edward felt. Not being able to read her thoughts must be frustrating. Speaking of, Edward was going to kill me for that. But why hadn't Alice seen it… She said it was perfectly safe for Bella to be here with me and then she goes and almost bleeds too much for me to actually help her. She's lucky her blood washed down the drain before I smelt it. I shudder to think of what I would've done to her. I couldn't bear hurting her. I'm glad it never came down to that.

I sighed and rubbed my face before glancing at the clock.

6:32

It wasn't as late as I thought but Edward wanted to know the minute she fell asleep. So I called him. I dialed the number and waited. It rang once before it was answered.

"Hello?" I could hear rushing wind. He was already walking home. I needed to explain about Bella before he got here or he would be pissed.

"She's asleep, b-"dial tone. He hung up on me. He was already on his way home. I estimated about 3 minutes before his arrival. I tried to concoct some sort of explanation as to why Bella was now asleep with 4 gauze pads surrounding her neck.

_'Decoration, no that wouldn't work, um how about we were playing doctor, and she wanted a broken neck but we had no plaster. Yes that's good.'_ I was fighting with myself through my thoughts. How low could I go! I sighed and turned towards the door, knowing Edward was moments away. I started counting.

_1, 2, 3-_

He burst through the door and turned towards the stairs without even acknowledging me. I ran in front of him and stopped him from his journey up. He needed to understand first.

"What Jasper?!" he was very frustrated. It was emitting from him in great quantities. I sent waves of calm over him and saw his grip on the banister instantly relax some.

"Okay, bro, before you go in there you should know something. Bella had a bit of an…accident." Apparently that was not the way I should have worded it. He jumped over my head and rushed into his room, ignoring my fruitless comments. I sighed and more slowly made my way up the stairs. I followed him in, only to see him clutching Bella to him for dear life. She was slowly turning and I knew she was waking up.

"Jasper what happened to her neck?!" Oh yes he was furious.

"Edward, it's not what you may think!" I instantly knew where his thoughts had gone. "Trust me, that was self-inflicted." His eyes stayed angry as he turned towards Bella. She stretched and I saw him cringe at the cuts visible on her arms. She opened her eyes and joy came pouring out of her in waves as she saw her love.

"Edward your back!" she threw her arms around his neck and kissed his cheek. He stiffened and she reluctantly pulled back.

"W-what's the matter?" she was going from overjoyed to terrified in a matter of minutes. I tried to send calming waves towards her but Edward just glared. Now I was confused until understanding washed over me. He wanted her reaction.

"What happened to your neck?" he didn't sugarcoat it or anything. Straight to the point.

"Oh, I just scratched it. Jasper took care of it." She sent a small smile my way and then turned back towards Edward.

"Yes love, I know you must have scratched yourself otherwise there wouldn't be gauze taped around your neck. But how did you scratch yourself?"

"Oh, well it's along story. No need to get into the details." She giggled nervously as she got up from Edward's lap.

I ventured some information. As much as I could get from the situation that occurred maybe 10 minutes ago. "She was in the shower and couldn't breathe. I think she was either having a panic attack or just hyperventilating. I don't exactly know what happened, but when I went in there to see if she was o.k. she was clutching her neck and her nails had dug through the skin. I patched her up afterwards."

Edward nodded to me and looked back at Bella who was concentrating on the floor, swinging her feet back and forth. "Are you alright now Bella? Do you want to have Carlisle look at it?"

She shook her head 'no' and continued looking at the ground.

"Thanks Jasper." Edward nodded to me once and I took the initiative to leave.

_I'll tell you what I found out once she's asleep._ I saw Edward nod once and then I went to find Alice, after-all, I hadn't seen her all day.

**Bella's Point of View**

Jasper left so now it was just me and Edward. I was still staring at the floor. I didn't want to have to relive the shower incident but what could I do? He was bound to bring it up again. That's just gonna give him another reason to have me talk to Jasper. I sighed as I felt the bed shift. Edward was immediately in front of me, kneeling on the floor.

"Bella, love, will you please tell me what happened?" he was trying to dazzle me so I avoided eye contact. I just shook my head no. "Love, please? I just want to make sure your o.k." I finally looked up and met his eyes.

"I'm fine Edward, really. I don't know what happened. One minute I was relaxing, taking a shower and then I was on the floor gasping for breath. I couldn't get any air so I started clawing my neck. It was irrational and stupid and I wont do it again." I said this is a monotone voice. I knew exactly what he wanted to hear.

"Bella," he chastised, getting up and pacing in from of me, "Why don't you talk to me anymore? Every time I try to have a conversation with you, you get furious with me and leave. Now you're just telling me what you think I want to here? What's going on with you? This isn't like you." he slowly turned back to me, he looked torn and I knew why. I had tears streaming down my face. He quickly came over to me and wrapped me in his arms, pulling me to his lap. "Sshh, Bella calm down. I didn't mean to upset you. I'm sorry." He gently stroked my back trying to get me to stop crying.

"Edward, I don't know what's wrong with me." I sniffed and wiped my eyes, finally turning to stare at him. "I'm sorry. I'm sorry for everything I've said, I've done and how I've acted. I know I promised you that I would get help, but I never thought I needed it. I still don't think I do. But the more I come to terms with what I've done, the more I know I'm not fine. I haven't stopped Edward." I immediately felt his entire body stiffen and go rigid.

"Bella," his voice was strained with the emotion of what I just told him.

"Please Edward, if you stop me now I'll never finish." He nodded curtly and I continued with less determination. I had just told him I didn't stop. I confessed to everything. He now knew my secret. A secret I've tried to keep hidden for months. One look at his face, gave me the courage to continue…

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IMPORTANT!!

And that's where it ends for now. I'm sort of running out of ideas big time. Maybe one more chapter (if I can actually think of something else to write) and then it'll probably be done. Sorry but there's not much more I can do with the story other than end it. This was the longest chapter I have written for this story I think. A total of over 3100 words! Bravo to me!!

If you have some suggestions to keep this story going just leave a review or message me. I'd love to hear from anyone. Once this story is finished I will more than likely continue working on The Turning. I know I've neglected it for a while now, but I favored this story more. Sorry to everyone who is patiently, and not so patiently, waiting for the rest of the chapters.

MouseMuffin

aka Ashley

lots of love!!


	6. Chapter 6

So I know this is the first time I've updated in probably months, but I'm working on my own book now! :D I'm pretty far into that though. Well Chapter 8 ;)

If I don't end this story here I'll have **one more chapter.** But then that'll probably be the end. It depends on who reviews and who doesn't. If I get a decent amount then I'll add the last chapter. If I only get a few, then I'll end it here. It's up to you readers!

If you want more, you need to hit that little button and reply.

Again, sorry for the wait!

--

xtwilight18x

**Bella's Point of View**

I had to take another deep breath before I began what I knew Edward would not want to hear. He was waiting, kind of patiently, but not enough. I could tell this was killing him. He wanted to know what was wrong with me. I didn't even know entirely yet, but I guess I could explain it as best as I could. Starting from what I had just let slip.

"I haven't stopped. I know I've lied over and over again, telling you I'm fine time and time again. For a while I believed that. I thought I was o.k. that nothing was wrong with me, but, I guess I was wrong." He hadn't said anything, something that shocked me greatly, and just let me get this off my chest. The only thing keeping me from stopping my little rant was the calming circles he drew on my back and the feather kisses he placed on my neck where the gauze was. I had to take another breathe before continuing. "Edward, it's not as bad as before, when- when you weren't here." I couldn't bear to even think about that time again. The only thing keeping me together was the fact that Edward was here, with me, holding me together. I fingered my rubber band around my wrist. I was just about to snap it when Edward carefully caught my hand and pulled it off. He knew where my intentions had gone, what I was unmistakably about to do. I smiled thanks up to him. He gave me one of his crooked smiles and nodded for me to continue. I noticed it was forced. He was having as much difficulty with this as I was. He was so close to figuring out what goes on in my mind, he didn't want anything to interrupt my train of thought. I took another deep breath to steady myself.

"I-I stopped completely a couple of days ago I guess, but there was something I couldn't stop. Um, it was the pain. I, well, couldn't bring myself to stop causing myself pain. I didn't cut anymore, never lately, did I draw blood. Just some light scars that quickly disappear and some, stinging. The rubber band. I don't know why I still did it, but I guess I was so accustomed to it, I couldn't, well, live without it. It was like my air. I did it for so long I couldn't just stop cold turkey. It- it helps me when you're hunting. Helps me when I get the need to cut, or feel pain. I thought 'Hey, this is better than using a knife' so I continued. I had convinced myself that it was ok, and after that, I couldn't convince myself otherwise."

I quickly wiped at the tear under my right eye. I ventured a look at Edwards face. What I saw made my chest tighten in pain. His eyes were clenched shut; his hand that wasn't on my back was balled into a fist on his knee. His posture was much how it was on my first day of school. He hated me! I was a demon. I was putting him through Hell. My breath quickened. I-I couldn't get any air. I got off of Edward's bed and started pacing, holding the skin above my heart, digging my nails into it. I was getting dizzy; I was swaying as I walked. I couldn't walk straight. I sank to my knees, tearing off the gauze patches Jasper had put around my neck.

"Bella?" Edward had his eyes opened now; probably sensing that something was wrong. He was going in and out of focus. My breathing increased. I couldn't understand the look in his eyes. All I was worried about was that I couldn't breathe. I looked up at Edward, tears falling down my cheeks.

"Bella?!" Edward was in front of me in a second. I pointed to my neck; he was fading from my vision. When was the last time I got a lungful of air? "Breathe Bella! Please, Jasper!" He rushed in and I could feel him radiating calming waves throughout the room. My body calmed, but my mind did not. I stopped my frantic motions, but I couldn't stop my gasping.

"Edward this happened while you were gone! You need to reassure her. Make her unafraid of whatever happened before this!" Jasper was still trying to calm me down, but his voice was getting farther and farther away. I could hear a distant ringing in my ears. Where was Edward? I turned around, trying to find him. I was pulled into a cold embrace and my nostrils flared, trying to intake that wonderful scent.

"Bella I love you. I'm not going to leave you. If you told me to go, I wouldn't ever leave you. I could never be angry at you. I love you, I love you so much. Try and breathe, please love, breathe for me." He wasn't angry at me? He loves me even after everything I've put him through, put myself through. I relaxed against him and sucked in some much needed oxygen. He sighed in relief as did Jasper. He picked me up and placed me back on the bed, still keeping my head firmly planted into his chest. "Bella, are you alright?" he was rubbing my back up and down, straightening me out whenever I hunched over his form. I muttered a simple 'yes' and closed my eyes, refusing to resurface.

**Edward's Point Of View**

"Jasper, I believe you really helped her today. She actually told me everything that's happened up until tonight.. Thank you." I nodded once at him.

"You're welcome. So I'm assuming she hasn't mentioned anything about the shower incident yet?"

"No, she hasn't. But she has improved. She isn't lying to me anymore. What did happen while I was away?"

"She went to take a shower, and I was waiting for her to finish when I heard her sobbing. She was out of the shower by now, but still in the bathroom. She was gasping, she couldn't get any air. It was like she was having a panic attack, and the heat from her shower wasn't helping much. The water was so hot it was actually warm to me. I don't know how she could stand it. She had started panicking, and cut her neck. And that's all. I put her to bed and then you came home."

"Jasper, I would appreciate it if you helped her still. She's stopped, but I don't even want my angel thinking she has to feel pain to feel anything. She, of all people, shouldn't deserve that kind of torture."

"Sure. We've made progress. I'm sure she'll be fine though, for now." Jasper reassured me.

"Yes, she'll be fine. She's determined, and strong. She can pull through. I know she'll make it." I glanced down lovingly at my angel, my life, and knew she'd make it. I wouldn't leave her side once. I'd make sure she was better…

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Author's note:

For those of you who didn't read this at the top, READ IT NOW!

So I know this is the first time I've updated in probably months, but I'm working on my own book now! :D

If I don't end it here I'll have **one more chapter.** But then that'll probably be the end. It depends on who reviews and who doesn't. If I get a decent amount then I'll add the last chapter. If I only get a few, then I'll end it here. It's up to you readers!

If you want more, you need to hit that little button and reply.

Again, sorry for the wait! And sorry it's so short!! /

--

xtwilight18x


	7. Chapter 7

**Bella Point of View**

I was asleep, but well aware of what was going on around me. I could hear voices, and I could smell Edward near me. I groaned and rolled onto my side, curling into Edward's embrace. His arms were around me immediately. I felt my shirt start to rise as I stretched and jumped up in bed, pulling it down to my knees. I was wide awake now.

"Bella, what's wrong love?" Edward looked at me curiously, reaching out to me. I held up one finger and rushed to the bathroom. I locked the door and slid down it, breathing slowly.

'That was close, nice going Bella he almost _saw them._' I was mentally slapping myself because I had been so careless. I stood up from the floor and turned to the mirror. It was almost floor length, but I didn't need to see all of it, just the part that showed my torso.I took a calm deep breath and lifted my shirt up to rest directly under my breasts. I winced, but forced myself to look at what I've done, to myself, my body. Scratches, some relatively new, others old and fading, lined my body, making designs and patterns with light pink and dark red tones. The same designs lined my arms, looking like a labyrinth instead of cuts just randomly placed. They went from the top of my pants up to my neck line, where my newer cuts were covered with gauze. I pulled my shirt back into place and tugged off the gauze and tape. It made a ripping sound and I counted to two before I heard the knock which no doubt told me of Edward's presence.

"Bella, are you alright?" I could hear what he was implying.

"Yes, I'm not doing anything. You don't have to worry." I whispered, letting the tears fall. He didn't trust me; he couldn't even trust me alone in the bathroom for five minutes without thinking I was going to do something. How could I have done this to him? I tried to cover my sob, but I could hear it, meaning Edward and probably every vampire on this side of town could hear it to.

He didn't knock, just gently opened the door, paying no mind to the lock that had a moment ago been in place and closed it behind him. I sank to the ground, keeping my shirt in place and pulled up my knees, hunkering down over them.

"Bella," he whispered, pained. His pain only caused mine to flare up, that and guilt. I felt horrible. Edward was in pain and I was only thinking about myself; my pain, my scars, my guilt. I was being so selfish.

"I'm sorry, I'm sorry, so, so sorry." I sobbed, moving to leave the bathroom. I almost had the door open, but he wasn't hearing any of it. He pulled me into his arms and whispered sweet nothings into my ear.

"Bella, Bella, Bella." He repeated, over and over. I cried louder each time he said my name. I couldn't help it. He cradled me to his chest and sat us both down in the middle of the bathroom, closing the door. I tightly wound my hands around his slender neck and wet his shoulder sleeve with my salty tears.

"Bella," He whispered, trying to get my attention. I ignored him and dug my nails into my wrists instead. The way my hands were positioned, he wasn't able to tell what I was doing. I dug them in farther, whimpering from the pain, but I was happy, because I was feeling some of what I'd put Edward through. My breathing turned shallow and choppy, but still I clung to Edward and dug my nails in farther. I felt Edward stiffen, causing my body to react the same way.

"Bella," He sounded angry now. I chanced a glance at my wrists and swore in my head. My nails had cut me, drawing blood. He tried to pull me away from his body, so he could see my face, but I hung on tightly. I knew he wouldn't risk hurting me by pulling at my arms, and I knew he had given up, for the moment, when I heard his sigh and felt his arms wrap around my body once more.

"Bella, where are you bleeding?" I mumbled my reply into his neck. "Bella, show me, please, I need to see if your o.k." I shook my head no, and heard his sigh again. I chanced a look at my wrist and noticed it pink and raw. The blood had dried up; all that was left was the scars.

"The blood's gone." I murmured up to him. He looked down and met my eyes. I was sucked into the vortex of his honey colored eyes, memorized, entranced. And then I was in front of him, my back pressed against his front and his hands locked around my wrists, one holding both in a single hand, and the other wrapped protectively around my waist, keeping me against him.

My eyes watered, but before they could fall Edward had my hand, the one that was previously bleeding, against his cheek. The coolness coming from his skin relived my pain and I was more enraged than before. I yelled and tried to pull away.

"Bella, what's wrong? Are you o.k.? Are you hurt elsewhere?" I yanked my arm away and ran out the door, tripping and stumbling into Emmett on my way down the stairs. He caught me and held me to him. I cried and tried to get down, and then I was in Edward's arms.

"Sshh, love calm down. Please. Tell me what's wrong. I want to help." Emmett looked down at me, and pain flashed across his face, forcing me to cry harder.

"It's not fair! It's not fair! Let me go, let me down!" I saw the whole family around me, but I couldn't stop. I was too enraged to do anything but yell, and cry. "Please, let me down. I need to go!"

"Go where, where do you need to go?" Esme asked kindly, but I could see the worry on her face. I was worrying everyone. I was putting more people through pain, yet I felt none. I unwrapped my arms from around my body and clawed at my arms, not breaking skin, but causing it to become red instantly. I heard simultaneous gasps of 'no' and cries of 'stop' and then I went limp, unmoving in Edward's arms.

**Edward Point of View**

"Thank you Jasper." I told my empathetic brother as I cradled Bella to my chest firmly. She finally looked at peace with herself. I was glad she could still find happiness and relief in her mind, in her dreams.

"I thought she was getting better." Rose complained. Her thoughts were elsewhere though, mostly she was thinking about her self, but I caught the undercurrent of her thoughts. She was worried about Bella. Over these past few days or so Rose has come to adore her, as everyone in the family has.

Everyone looked towards Alice and Jasper immediately had his arm around her shoulder, calming everyone down.

"It's not my fault. Bella's acting all spasmodic. She can't make up her mind about anything, and once she does she's already doing something harmful. I can barely think with all her constant changings!"

It was true. Alice's thoughts had been jumbled and confused for quite some time now, but I just assumed she was once again trying to keep me out of her mind. Looks like I was seriously wrong lately. About Bella, Alice's visions, everything. I heaved a heavy sigh and carted a soundly sleeping Bella back to my room. The rest of my family followed suit.

I had just laid Bella down when Alice gasped and Jasper gently steadied her, calling her name quietly. I locked eyes with Alice's hazy dilated pupils and all at once her vision filled my head.

_Bella was in the bathroom, and from the looks of it, it wasn't at Charlie's. It was here, in my bathroom. Bella was standing in front of my mirror, her hair up and a terrible look in her eyes. She slowly lifted the hem of her t-shirt, letting the tears trail down her face before she raised her arm, poising it above her stomach as her shirt revealed her pale-_

The vision broke off abruptly and Alice collapsed against Jasper, who steadied her. We once again met eyes and I knew what she was going to say, and it wasn't because I could read her mind. It was because I was going to say the same exact thing. Just to be sure though, I clarified with Alice.

"It hasn't happened yet, has it?" I asked as everyone looked on in confusion.

"No," she whispered. "It'll be when she wakes up, that was all I could get out of the vision before you invaded." She wasn't angry with me, but Bella for not getting help.

"I need to catch this, let her know I know what's happened, don't I?" I whispered, gazing down at my sleeping angel, pale and serene in all her glory.

"Yes," she whispered once more. _'The only way she can get help is if we force it upon her once more. That's the only way I see it happening.'_

I nodded at her thought and snuck a peek at my fallen angel. "She'll be better soon, you will sweetheart, I promise." Everyone silently left after that, knowing that I needed to be alone with her when she awoke. She would not be pleased at being put to sleep, but it was the only way. Surely she saw that? I sighed and placed a light kiss atop her forehead. "I'll help you through this. You'll be better by tomorrow, I swear it. This is the last night I'll ever let you feel pain…" My voice drifted off as I felt her stir, thinking she had awoken, but she merely sighed and rolled into my chest, pushing her face close. I held her tighter.

**Bella Point Of View**

I smelt chocolate. I inhaled deeply, filling my lungs with the rich scent of cocoa. Everything was so warm. I blinked open my eyes and was relieved to see that the sun had gone down and there wasn't any light. My eyes quickly adjusted to the dim light. I stirred and sat against the headboard. Edward's shining topaz eyes glistened back at me through the darkness.

"Hello love." He gave me my favorite crooked grin before he lightly kissed my lips. I had been here for God knows how long and this is probably the first time he's kissed me since I came to stay. I smiled at him before sniffing deeply. Maybe things were finally going back to normal.

"Do I smell chocolate?" I asked as I looked over his shoulder to the nightstand behind him. He smiled again, this time it reached his eyes, and sat up from his previous position. He gripped it between his chalky white hands and carefully handed it to me.

"Careful Bella, it could be hot." I smiled thankfully up at him before taking it. I inhaled the sweet aroma of the hot chocolate and cautiously tested the temperature on my top lip by holding the cup at a slight angle to my mouth. It was perfect, so I took a heady sip. Edward looked pained so I flashed him another smile.

"It's perfect. Not to hot, I promise." He smiled slightly, but didn't speak. This time his gentle smile did nothing to brighten his eyes. "Edward, is everything all right?"

"It will be," he murmured, not meeting my gaze. I screwed up my eyes before I took another extensive sip of the warm liquid in a Christmas mug. It warmed my hands as I held the cup, my insides as I drank heartily from the mug and it relaxed me. I felt immensely calm as I hunkered down on Edward's warm temporary bed. The cotton sheets were piled high around me, creating a security blanket. Edward was scrutinizing me with an appraising eye. I tried to stealthily make sure my shirt hadn't ridden up to expose, anything. When I saw that it hadn't I went back to sipping happily from my mug of joy. When I was almost to the bottom, and had finally taken the last sip, Edward politely took my mug away, setting it off to the side as I yawned involuntarily.

Edward wrapped me in his arms as I yawned once more, closing my eyes. I was so sleepy, so relaxed.

"Bella, love how are you feeling?" Edward's musical voice seemed so far away even though he was millimeters away from me. I sighed in acknowledgment as I snuggled closer to his chest.

"Fine," a breathy whisper flowed from my lips as I sank deeper into the covers, sleeping off that big mug of cocoa. Hey, wait a darn second here… "Edward?" I could barely find my voice, but he heard me. As he answered I could tell it took a lot of will power for him to control his voice, to make it steady and even.

"Yes love?" He asked sweetly, stroking my back.

"You drugged me, didn't you?" I couldn't even find the will power to scream at him. I was too relaxed to even care at this point. What had they given me, some type of sedation thing? I wasn't to far gone that I didn't feel him stiffen beside me.

"Bella…"

"Did you?" my voice sounded curious and not as appalled as I actually was. He sighed heavily.

"Yes sweetheart. We did." I could hear the distain in his voice as he continued to explain. "It doesn't go away that soon, so after you sleep some of it off you'll still be relaxed. It was just a tiny sedation medication Carlisle had handy. I promise this was necessary. I'm so sorry." He kissed my forehead as his voice became choked and strangled.

"Just wondering…" I whispered as I forced myself to remain calm. After all, it was for my own good.

--

I awoke with a start and no Edward beside me. I looked around the room and spotted what I had woken up for. Bathroom. I scurried to it, slamming the door and locking it before rushing to the toilet. I should not have had hot chocolate before bed. As I was drying my freshly washed hands, I couldn't help but look in the full length wide mirror directly in front of me. I touched the light bags under my eyes and took inventory of my fair and scarred skin. Even with my clothes on, I could tell where every line I had made on my body was. Across my chest, my heart, neck, arms…stomach. I brought my hands up to the front hem of my long-sleeved tee-shirt, knowing what I would find. I tried to hold back my tears, but some escaped no matter how hard I tried. I slowly lifted the shirt from my body, wincing as I saw every line, every mark, on display.

I tucked the shirt under my breasts, where my bra ended. It stayed up as I began tracing the lines made, straight, curved, choppy and short. Some where jagged, done by a very dull knife or nails. Some where neatly sliced, the end product of a sharpened pocketknife. I heard the click, felt the breeze, but it was to late by the time I noticed anyone occupied the bathroom but me. I swirled around, coming face to face with Edward, his dark eyes terrifying. I wasn't afraid of him though.

"Edward," I breathed as I tugged down my shirt. He stopped me, eyes transfixed on my pale ruined skin. His cold fingers traced the old wounds, the new wounds, and I shivered as his icy skin came in contact with my overheated flesh. "Edward, please…" I didn't know what I wanted from him. To forget what he saw maybe? To just leave me alone here so I could do more damage? I could barely find the strength to pull away from him as he went to pull up my sleeves on my t-shirt. Getting the full view of all my shame.

"Bella," I didn't know what to do. I tried to leave, but Edward shut the door, blocking my only way out, except the window. I walked over to the closed window and looked down. I was about three stories off the floor. "Bella, don't think about it." His voice was strained, and I knew he must have heard what I was planning from Alice. I looked out the window again and saw a glimpse of Emmett, standing guard, ready to catch me should I jump. I sighed and pulled my shirt down almost to my knees as I plopped onto the cold tiled floor beneath me. Edward scooped me up, and when I didn't protest he placed me on the cool marble countertop, situating himself between my legs so he could stare me in the eye.

"Isabella, you need help. Now more than ever my love." He kissed my head and pulled back to look me in the eye.

"Edward,"

"Bella you aren't o.k." He pleaded with me, coaxing me with my eyes. I didn't want to fight him; I didn't like the torn expression adoring his face.

"Bella, love, look at yourself." He tugged me down and turned me to face the mirror, catching my arms and lifting my shirt to rest atop my navel. That's as far as he would take it, but that was as much as I needed to see. My breath caught in my throat as I saw the comparison between his perfect skin, and my ruined one. "Is this what you'd like to see for the rest of your life whenever you look into a mirror?" He traced the shadows below my eyes. "Do you want to be plagued with nightmares that I cannot seem to understand, without someone to help you through them? Is this how you want to live for the rest of your life? I won't leave your side, but I swear to you if you do not get better, I will not change you. I will never leave your side, but you will never be a vampire if you are not well enough. I will not have you going through centuries harboring this pain, mutilation you've come to enjoy." He locked eyes with my own as he turned us to face the mirror once more. "Sweetheart, look at what you've done to yourself. Look at the pain that you have inflicted upon yourself. Is this what you want to live with? Don't you want to get better?"

No, Yes…I wasn't sure. I looked at my own reflection in the mirror, and I finally figured out why I had done these things to myself, even after Edward came back into my life. I had done them, because the pain was all I learned to love after he left. It was, in its own mysterious way, a safety net for my feelings. It protected me, left me without feeling sadness and rejection. It only gave me release. It ended my pain. Edward was back. I could lose him forever; lose the chance of forever, if I didn't get better.

As I contemplated the loss-age of my Edward, I came upon my decision. I turned in Edward's arms and said what he's been waiting for, what I've been waiting for, and what the whole family has been waiting for. "Edward, I _want _to get better." I whispered up to him, pouring all of my love into the fierceness of my eyes. He gave me a thousand watt smile as he spun me around. I shrieked in joy, something I cannot remember doing in months.

"And my love, we will make sure you get better." He kissed me hungrily, like all the boundaries he set were no longer in existence, but he soon shoved them right back to where they started and I was left with a chaste kiss, but nonetheless I had my Edward back, and I knew that we'd be together in only a little while longer. I was going to get better, I was…

--

I knocked tentatively on the wooden frame of the big mahogany door. Edward squeezed my hand lovingly as I heard the quiet 'come in' and was led inside. Edward took a seat and pulled me into his lap, tucking my head under his chin. My eyes glowed brightly as I took in the man in front of me.

"Bella, are you ready? Are you finally ready to get better, put all this behind you and talk it all out? Are you ready for the help?"

My answer was the same for every question. I kissed Edward's cheek lovingly as I turned to face Jasper. I locked eyes with him, poured my heart into the truth, and said the one word I should've said from the beginning.

"Yes. I'm ready."

**AN—**

Oh my goodness, I'm finished with this story! :D How'd you like it? I'm sorry for the…months of waiting but was it worth it? I'm thinking about rewriting **You What?** And some other stories, either that or possibly adding some more updates to **The Turning**. Which would you like first? Would you like me to update/redo **Abused and Tortured** and **On My Deathbed**? Or is either okay? Vote for it in my poll I'll be adding shortly prior to this update. Reviews make me happy :] Let me know if there's something I can either improve upon, or anything criticizing or complimenting my work.

Again, sorry for the VERY long wait!!

:]

AVSA…..

Aka…

A very sorry Ashley XD


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